nuggets

Double-edged sword:

the people you love spending time with make the parts of your life that you spend with them so much brighter,

and,

consquently,

all the times without them so much duller.

 

***

Jade(d)

the thing about getting old(er)

which sucks most

is that life gets in the way.

you spend most of your time doing the stuff you need to do,

that you don’t have time to do the stuff you want to do,

until one day, you realise,

that you need to do the stuff you want to do,

or you’ll drown.

***

patience?

what do you do when all you can do is to sit tight and hope? how do you dispel the feeling of helplessness you get when you know that any move is the wrong move but you just can’t sit still…

i love the smell of rain…

sometimes, you feel like you can take on the world, and take everything life throws at you in your wide, confident stride;

other times you can get so tired just from all the thoughts swirling round in your head like a giant whirlpool.

***

calm before the storm

life is good, at least for now. no more CPCM, CDR is over, most assignments done, and we can come up for air before plunging back into the murky smelly waters of BLE’s incompetence. nobody knows yet how we are going to pass the bar given that they didn’t teach us anything, but we assume we’ll be fine because we have a shortage of lawyers and they can’t fail us all. i’m already looking forward to the hols and planning a trip hopefully to china! exciting i’ve never been before and the scenery looks awesome have some reservations about china eastern airlines, but eugene assures me it’s an ok airline to fly… guess there’s only one way to find out haha.

Cliché but true

when you let yourself down again and again and again,

there’s nothing to do but pick yourself up and try again and again and again.

***

life’s so messy nowadays, kinda feels like i’m in over my head. i jump from one crazy week to the next, the days blend into each other and i don’t know what i’m doing. i’ve got no time to think or maybe i’ve got no desire to think coz it’s too tiring. i’m not done dealing with one frustration before i meet the next, and in my head is a constant flow of images of whirlpools, tornados, running in circles… is this what working life is gonna be like? it’s not that i’m not happy, there’re actually plenty of things going for me right now, it’s that i’m outta control. i don’t quite know when exactly i lost control, as is usually the case with losing control, but i’m having a hard time reeling it in. oh boy…

i am ashamed to say

that i haven’t posted in super long, i.e. i haven’t written anything in super long because…. well i don’t know why. laziness probably. busyness a bit, but mostly laziness. and i find that not writing, makes you notice life less. not to mention it makes your brain mushy, such that now when i try to write i have problems following my own trains of thought coz there’re too many random thoughts all over the place.

so now, in a (brief) moment of (stolen) luxury, drinking apple-cinamon tea over breakfast (reminiscent of turkey, from whence the tea comes) i have decided to see, one last time, if i can keep this up for any meaningful period of time, for any meaningful purpose, coz if not it’s just gotta go. i’ve got white elephants aplenty, and i’m on a de-elephanting campaign coz…well i don’t know exactly. it just feels good to spring-clean once in a while. reminds you that things change and you need to catch up.

seems i need to learn to think quicker though, don’t have too much time for musing nowadays. haven’t started working yet and I already miss school. or maybe i miss not getting old. from regular friday nights out, to “aiyar too lazy to go out i wanna go home n jump into bed”. and despite this, i keep buying nice dresses for going out. hmmm…

loving people is difficult

because sometimes there’s a conflict between wanting what is good for them, and allowing them to exercise their free will. The result is that it hurts to see them do what you think isn’t good for them. a very practical, tangible kind of hurt; not merely theoretical. i guess that’s how God feels when he watches us sin over and over again. and how our parents feel when they watch us repeat our mistakes. But true love never gets bitter, or tries not to care or tries to override free will; true love is just always there, to be counted on when it is needed.

thank goodness it’s substance over form for prayers

Aquinas’ Student Prayer:

Creator of all things, true source of light and wisdom, origin of all being, graciously let a ray of your light penetrate the darkness of my understanding. Take from me the double darkness in which I have been born, an obscurity of sin and  ignorance. Give me a keen understanding, a retentive memory, and the ability to grasp things correctly and fundamentally.  Grant me the talent of being exact in my explanations and the ability to express myself with thoroughness and charm. Point out the beginning, direct the progress, and help in the completion. I ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

My prayer:

Dear God, please be with me tomorrow as I take my exam so that I can have the quiet confidence to do my best and take it like a man God-filled person. Thanks.

hurhur.

they changed my gym class again. boo.

the new class is cute too, but  i have to start from scratch all over again. and i miss them

ninn is not in the photo because she's taking it